Love One Not Two

You, staring at a lass,

While thinking where she was,

Skies turn gray, make dark facade,

Like your love but it never fades.

You felt raindrops as it starts to fall,

Lift your palm and catch them all,

In your hand, where you held her and grasp,

'Til your commitment ends, so you have to stop.

The previous feelings that last,

Moving on will be hard to cast,

If you let happiness quickly pass,

It will collide with your joyful past.

Recently you're with lovely shawty,

New commitment with a new company,

But your heart still locked and chained,

Imprisoned in a love that can't be maintained.

Love for one, not for two,

Wisely choose, ask Him who?

For you can feel to whom you're gonna be happy,

She'll be the one for you, build commitment you can carry.

Sa Puso Mo

Saan ka nakatira? Sa puso mo. Yun eh. Uso ang mga banat, o pick up lines. Pero nakakainis. I'm so weak!

I have this girlfriend who seduces me. Oo, she seduces me. Lagi siyang nagyayaya sa bahay namin kung kailan wala akong kasama, maliban na lang kung may kasama pala akong mumu, creepy. She always wear stuffs which are fitted in her. I can see her great future wanting to explode anytime from her bra. Pero wala akong ginagawa, umiiwas lang ako sa tukso, tukso na gusto ko namang mangyari. Parang kapag nanood ka ng horror, pumipikit lang pero nanginginig ang pilikmata dahil nakabukas ng kaunti ang mata, tinatakpan mo rin ang mata mo ng kamay, pero may siwang parin para sumilip. At pagkatapos ng horror scene na yun naman dapat ang pinapanood, itatanong mo kung tapos na. Wag mo na lang kayang panoorin. Tapos, she talks dirty with me and that turns me on. Sabi niya "Dirty." Joke lang. Kung hindi niyo nagets slow kayo. Pero iniiwas ko lang ang usapan, iniiba, inililihis sa tamang daan ni P.Noy. Ewan ko lang kung tama nga ba. Para sa isang lalake, I'm so weak.

Noong first month namin, masaya na ako mahawakan ko lang ang kamay niya. Noong three months na kami, nahalikan ko na siya. Parang mas tamang sabihin na, hinalikan nya na ako. Sobrang saya ko na noon, pero ayon sa kwentong tambay, 'masarap daw pag sa kama'. Alam ko ang ibig sabihin nito, gusto kong maexperience pero bakit wala akong ginagawa? I'm so weak!

May nakapagsabi na, 'weak daw ako'. Aminado ako doon kasi napagtanto ko na sa edad kong 20 ay bihira na ang virgin na katulad ko. Naisip ko na napag-iiwanan na ako ng panahon, para akong plastik na matagal ng nabaon sa lupa pero hindi pa nabubulok sa panahon ng mga robot. Kumbaga sa kanta, laos na ako. Hindi na uso. Pero hindi ba bawal makipagtalik kay Maria Osawa este sa hindi mo pa asawa? Babae lang ba ang kailangang alagaan ang virginity? Weak na kung weak pero alam kong mali. 

Naghiwalay kami ni gf noong 6months na kami, wala kasing nangyari dahil sa pagka-weak kong ito. Boring akong bf, walang thrill. Malamang naagawan ako ng isang gwapo. Sabi nga ng iba, hindi lahat nakukuha sa ligaw, madalas sa agaw. Meron ding nakukuha sa lugaw, minsan sa ihaw. Si gf nakuha sa hiyaw. Matitigang lang siya sakin, hindi ko man lang magawang halikan ang gf, grabe, I'm so weak.

Saan ka nakatira? Sa puso mo. Yan ang usong sagot ng mga kabataan ngayon. Ako pinalayas na niya sa puso niya. Hindi ko tuloy malaman kung saan ako titira ngayon. Makakahanap ba ako ng bagong tirahan? Ok lang sakin maging single basta may internet connection. Bitter ba ako? Hindi naman, naghahanap lang ako ng bagong matitirahan. Napansin ko lang kapag bad trip ako laging may sumusulpot na magandang dilag na handang baguhin ang mood ko. Alam ata ni God kung ano ang kaligayahan ko. Sabi sa panaginip ko, 'Bad news is just good news in disguise'. Sa tagalog, 'Masamang balita ay lamang mabuting balita sa magkaila.' -translate google. Isa pa itong weak.

Masarap ang bawal ika nga rito sa 'Pinas. "Kita tayo ngayon?" sabi ng katabi ko sa bus. May binulong siya, "Check in tayo. One hour lang." naku. Narinig ko yon. Nasa edad 40 na itong feeling gwapong lalake, malamang may asawa ito pero bakit may kacheck in pa? Pakiramdam ba ng lalake kapag may kalaguyo siya, gwapo siya? Eh mukha namang tae tong matanda na to eh. Lalake ka na no'n kahit mukha kang buhangin? Kung may pagkukulang ang partner mo, tama bang punan mo yon ng isa pang mali? Parang pinunan mo ng wig ang panot mong noo. Ayoko manermon kasi hindi naman ako pari, hindi rin ako ang magulang niyo pero alam ko tama ito. Weak nga lang ako.

I met a lovely girl, maganda siya kaya napukaw niya ang atensyon ko at napatigil ako sa pagkurap buti na lang hindi kasamang tumigil ang aking paghinga. Kinausap ko siya, sabi niya panget daw ang pangalan niya kaya ayaw niyang sabihin. "Good morning Panget." bulong ng isip ko. I felt rejected, but "Leonor..." bulong niya. Hindi nga niya kasing ganda ang pangalan niya, hehe. "Good name, wag mo ikahiya ang pangalan mo, isa yan sa pamana sayo ng magulang mo." sabi ko sa kanya. Medyo nahiya tuloy siya. Napatunayan ko na hindi ako ganoon kahina sa babae. Nagkaroon ako ng girlfriend, maybe I just feel insecure. Hindi naman kasi ako kagwapuhan para habulin ng chicks. Hindi rin ako maskulado para makaattract ng chicks. Hindi rin ako kalbo, madalas kasing makita ko na kasama ng chicks ay mga kalbo. Parang ang lakas ng dating, gusto ko sana pakalbo pero hindi ko bagay. Lalong wala akong kotse na maipagmayabang na bubusina sa tapat ng iyong bahay kapag may date. Ang meron lang ako ay respeto sa babae. Respeto na mararamdaman niya ang sarap ng aking pagmamahal, at mararanasan niya ang maging prinsesa ng sarili niyang kaharian. Weak nga ba ako?

"I'm hungry." sabi niya. "Oh I thought you're Leonor. Hi Hungry." pilosopong sabi ko. Tawa siya ng tawa hanggang mautot. Ako naman ang tumawa ng tumawa. "Gusto mo mag7/11?" tanong ko. Pumayag naman siya, ayun kwentuhan kami hanggang umalis na siya. Napasapo ako ng noo nang maalala kung ano ang nakalimutan kong itanong sa kanya. Guess what? Hindi yung pangalan ng aso niya, hindi rin yung color ng panty niya at lalong hindi yung vital statistics niya. Yung contact number niya! Sa lahat ba naman ng makakalimutan yun pa? I'm so weak talaga.

Thru text or thru online na nga lang malakas ang loob ko, hindi ko pa nakuha ang pinakaaasam na numero nya, kahit email address lang. Sana magkita kami uli para naman mapatunayan ko na hindi ako weak. Malas ko lang kung magkita kami sa isang bus o jeepney tapos pagkakita ko sa kanya, yun namang baba niya. Sana keyboard na lang siya para magkadikit lagi ang U at I. Pwede rin siyang maging saranggola para kahit malayo na siya, hindi ko pa rin siya bibitawan. Sana masabi ko rin sa harap ng babae ito, hindi naman ako weak eh para masabi ko na kung saan ako nakatira, kundi sa puso niya.

Who can help me boost my confidence and prevent me from being weak?

Bata Sa Kalsada

Ito ay isang istorya ng isang bata,
Isang napakabait na batang aking nakilala,
Nababalot ng ngiti ang kanyang mga labi,
Naglalaro ng manikang nakahabi,
Sa aki’y tumabi at kanya namang hingin,
Nang makita ang aking hawak na inumin,
Limang taong gulang dapat naglalaro,
Pero heto siya sa bangketa nakatalungko,
Walang bahay o mabuting sabihing tahanan,
Pati pamilya ay wala tanging tirahan ay itong daan,
Nilalanghap usok ng mga sasakyan,
Mga pagsubok na kanyang dinadaanan,
‘Di kagaya ng marami nating kabataan,
Sana maubos na, mga batang lansangan,
Bata na nakahiga sa gilid ng kalsada,
Kumakain ng pulot galing sa basura,
Hindi ka ba nahahabag sa iyong nakikita?
Siya’y naka-kamay subo ang maraming bacteria,
Gusot na sando ang kanyang laging suot,
Dating puti ngayo’y itim sa duming nanunuot,
Imulat ang mata sa iyong natatanaw,
Kanyang kabataan unti-unting tinutunaw,
Ang dahilan ay matinding kahirapan,
At pagpapabaya ng iresponsableng magulang,
Ating planuhin kinabukasa’y isipin,
Pati sa paligid hindi lamang buhay natin.
Akin siyang sinundan sa ilalim ng tulay,
Dahan-dahang humiga at nananamlay,
Natulog ng nakadapa sa gilid rumatay,
Lungkot at paghihirap puno ang kanyang buhay,
Sa aking puso’y awa aking naramdaman,
Katahimikan hanggang sa huling hantungan,
Mga tao siya ay nilalagpasan,
Titignan lamang siya ng iilan,
Nahimbing nang hindi ininda ang ingay,
Kawawang bata siya pala ay wala ng buhay.

Face Down

My name is Zen, it’s our first anniversary of my boyfriend I love. I bought him this couple mug as a gift. I don’t know if he will like it. “Happy First Anniversary honey!” I said while he’s busy browsing pictures from his lappytoppy. I glanced and he quickly closed it, “Its my privacy. Oh what’s in it? Tell me.” he said after. I handled him my gift while I’m staring at somewhere. I can’t be wrong, I saw a picture of him with a girl. “Hey. Honey, is there something wrong?”

“Let me see!” as I grabbed his Apple from his lap.

“Hey! Be careful!”

“Who’s this?” I asked pointing at the girl in the monitor.

“She’s a friend.”

“A friend? A friend who hugs you and acts to kiss you?”

“Why are you acting like that?! It’s just a picture! She is just my friend. You’re so insecure! The f*ck!” he said and threw his gift away. He always acts vigorously when I accuse him. He shows a robust voice and attitude, it makes me feel frightened. “You don’t need to hug her, you know you have me as your girlfriend! You’re just fooling me!! You’re playing…” I haven’t completed my last sentence, he slapped me like the previous time we argue. “You shut the f*ck up! Think of whatever you want! If you wanna leave me? Go!” he said while pointing his finger in my forehead. I haven’t said any words after his dirty hands touched my pretty face, I just cried. Cried the pain in my heart but it doesn’t heal. It can’t relive the pain I feel. He leaves me alone, sitting in this room after I gave to him everything I have. Should I have to leave him? He made me cry. It’s our anniversary today. The early days of our relationship was great. He makes me laugh everytime I feel down, he is always there whenever I needed him, he helps me even I didn’t called him, he’s so kind but after the night we had, I gave him my tightness, I trusted him my first blood, he changed like climate with no reason. Is he just using me, my body? You think he loves me? I can’t break up with him, I don’t wanna leave him. I love him.

>

“Hey sis, you put too much make up.”

“Really?” looking at the mirror, searching for the bruise in my face. “It’s not much, it’s just enough.” enough to cover my fears, my sorrow.

“Does your boyfriend hurt you again?” Carla said. I’m quite surprised she knows what I hide beneath this armor I’m trying to hide.

“N-no.” I murmured.

“Zen, look. I know that you’re hiding your pain and sufferings from your beloved. You need to open your eyes from your nightmare and wake your soul up. You aren’t happy anymore, you’re suffering! I am saying these because I care for you, I don’t wanna see you crying. It hurts me too.” she dramatically stated her feelings. Should I listen to her?

“Thank you. I’ll think about what you said.” she hugs me tight, I can feel the worry in her heart, the helping hand rubbing my back. I can’t keep pretending I’m okay, my tears fell as my lonely heart felt love for a long time ago.

>

“Sorry hon, I accused you. I should have trusted you. I’m sorry. I love you, it’s still our anniversary right? Happy anniversary.” I approached him at his place and apologize. “Its ok.” he whispered in my ear and kissed me there. It tickled while I felt his breathe in my ear. He kissed me down to my neck, and down to my cleave. Am I doing right? My head is spinning, I can’t think straight. I can’t feel my knees anymore, I feel weak. “I love you.” he whispered and kissed my lips, I kissed him back. I’m totally falling for his trap, I know it but I can’t resist. “I trust you, I love you too.” I said after a breathe taking French kiss. I can’t leave him, I’ve given him my virginity. I’m afraid who will be accepting me if they knew I wasn’t fresh anymore. And I truly love him.

He grabbed me and carried to his room. I lay down on his bed, waiting him what will he do. He caressed me and made my body arc. It’s happening again, is it still right? Am I going to let him do it to me one more time? I feel anxious about this, but it feels good. I search for something to hold on, I end up holding his blanket. Something’s underneath, it’s a girl’s underwear. He saw me and he stopped, “What is this?!” as I showed to him what I’ve got. I also saw blood stain in his sheet. “And this?!” He tried to kiss me but I refuse. “Answer me!” I shouted but he pushed me and pursued to kiss me. He tried to undress me so I slapped him and run out of his house, crying. “He is with a b*tch!” I shouted to myself. He caught me before I opened the door. He pushed me on the wall and held my shoulders, “Let me go!” “Listen to me. I love you. That was my sister’s underwear, and the blood stain was mine.” he said. “No! Let me go!” and he slapped me and act to punch me, “Do it! Hurt me more! You love me huh? Hurt me! Push me! Slap me! I love you, but I had enough.” he released my shoulder and let me go. He’s hurting me, does he feel like a man now? I love him, but it’s not right.

There are people who loves me, wherefore should I hold onto him? I can live without him. I just need to be realistic. I know, at the time of the Lord, He will show me the right man; the person who deserves my love, who will value me for who I am. Someone who will love me completely.

Just Like The Moon

All my life I feel alone,
Giving my best on my own,
Avoiding help from nearby stars,
Hiding the hurt that causes scars.

When I see someone crying out loud,
I try to give comfort tender like cloud,
I wanna see everyone happy,
In their hearts, not so lonely.

Just like the full moon,
Shining bright like it’s noon,
Lighting up the honeymoon,
But will fade really soon.

Starts with the thin reflection,
Ends with the same projection,
My might feels much protection,
While sleeping, dreaming my illusion.

From the aid of the sun,
The moon shines so white,
Showering us with so much fun,
Giving us light from our darkest night.

You can be the moon that shines at night,
Even if I’m alone, I can feel alright,
I may be the sun that makes you bright,
Even you’re lonely, you make my life light.

BFF Creed

 I wish this smile can show how happy I am when I came to know you.
 I wish this laugh can picture me whenever I talk to you.
 I wish to see the cuteness and the wonder of your heart.
 I wish this kiss can reach your cheeks no matter how far you are.

I wish you were here for the most of the time,
I wish to see your presence and make sound on those chimes.
I wish every word you say can stay echoing in my mind.
I wish to shake your hands and thank you for being kind.

My bestfriend, no matter how far you are,
I'm always and will be here,
Even if I'm not the one you need,
That's my promise, a bestfriend's creed.

Everyday in the Rain 7

Ang Pagtatapat

Magdamag akong gising kakaisip kung ano ba ang dahilan, kung sino ang humila sa kanya para ilayo ang sarili sa akin. Napaka oa ko. “Kakausapin ko ba siya? Itatanong ko ba?” kausap ko ang sarili habang nakahiga at nagmumuni-muni.

“Ba’t di mo tanungin?” biglang sagot ni tatay na pupungas-pungas pa na ikinagulat ko. “Wag kang torpe. Nananalatay sa dugo mo ang dugo ko, malakas tayo sa chicks!” biro ni tatay.

Gusto ko nga sana siya makita. Gusto kong malaman ang pakiramdam na paggising mo, may napakagandang babae na hahaplos sa pisngi mo, ang babaeng pinakamamahal mo ang masisilayan sa umaga. Pero sa kasamaang palad, hindi iyon ang naganap. Isang matandang lalake ang aking katabi, ang yumakap sakin kagabi na halos hindi ako makahinga sa bigat ng braso, ang humaplos sa ulo ko at lalong gumulo sa magulo ko ng buhok paggising. “Tay, minsan bisitahin ko kayo sa trabaho niyo ha?” ok lang yun, tatay ko ‘to eh. Nakakamiss nga ang kalokohan niya minsan.